Vol 1 | Issue 24 | ISSN 2979-8744 (online)

If you’re like me, you’ve been networking since the day you decided to make this a serious part of your life. That could look like anything from localised events to industry-organised events, screenings, and festivals.

I’m pretty sure we’ve all got some stories of how we absolutely bombed, how we left early, how we thought we’d ruined our entire lives, how we came away feeling like that was the best networking ever, that we’ve got loads of new ideas and contacts, and a clear idea of what on earth we’re doing.

Or perhaps you join me in the Bridget Jones networking memoirs and have a few funny stories, foibles, and Freudian slips.

The reason I wanted to talk about networking is because it took me a while to realise what I was doing wrong, and it’s also something I know a lot of people struggle with.

We’re writers. We’re introverts mostly. We would rather watch people than have to talk to people.

We want to do the work and submit it and have someone else do all of the rest, but that isn’t the reality and unfortunately networking is a massive part of writing.

The sooner we make friends with it, the better.

I don’t have all the answers, but hopefully some of my insights might be useful for you. Strap in – this is a long one!

In the traditional sense, networking is about finding and making new potential business contacts, new investment interests, and potential financial pipelines. In the TV and film industry, this has to be built on the basis of relationships.

Which is different from nepotism, but easily and often confused.

I’ve talked before about people first, not projects, and there’s a really solid reason for this. Even before you get a green light on your project you will be working with someone in an intense space with intense deadlines.

You will need to pull apart the work. You will need to understand and be able to communicate to each other exactly the direction that you want to go in. You need to be able to problem-solve and firefight your way out of things that come up. That could be anything from funding to production to contracts.

You need to be able to demonstrate that you can put ego aside and get the work done.

You could potentially be working with that person for 2 years, 5 years, 10 years or longer. You and whoever you’re working with, whether that’s a director, producer, production team or agent, need to be sure that you share the same values, the same work ethic, and most importantly the same vision for the project.

You can’t possibly get that from a 3-minute conversation. It takes a long time to build that relationship up.

Imagine you go speed dating. You spend 5 minutes with someone. You’ve never met them before. You don’t know anything about them, or maybe you’ve seen them around. You may have even swiped right on them before.

In those opening few minutes your first question isn’t, “Will you have sex with me?”

Your second question certainly isn’t, “Can we get married?”

Your third question absolutely is not, “Let’s have kids.”

Why would you start a conversation with someone that you essentially want to get to know better, build something meaningful with, and tether yourself to, possibly for the rest of your professional life, with:

“Here’s my project. What do you think?”

I know that seems a very extreme comparison but when you’re a producer, director, or agent, that is what it can come across like.

You’re literally asking to have sex before you’ve even established who you are.

One night stands; a perfect marriage is does not make.

I’ve met industry people before, and keenness is a red flag in some circumstances.

I am always wary of that because I think: Why do you want to work with me? We don’t know anything about each other. Can I trust you? Are we on the same page? Is this a single-sided transaction? Do you need me more than I need you? I’ve never watched anything you’ve made. I’ve never looked at your website. I don’t know if you have any credits. I haven’t followed you on social media, so I don’t know what your views and opinions are. Do we have people in common so I can get a recommendation. I don’t know anything about you.

So I put aside the fantasy of accepting that BAFTA for a moment, and slow down.

As we’ve established, my dick radar is pretty well established, and I haven’t been wrong about the people I’ve turned away.

Trust your gut.

Think of something to talk about that isn’t your writing or your projects, unless they ask.

If they ask, then great, but I always think: have a conversation.

If the conversation turns quite quickly to your writing, the conversation’s not flowing.

Find out what you can about this person and who they are. In return, show that you’re a nice person who can be engaging, interesting, and most importantly understand the industry in a way that goes beyond just projects.

Obviously answer them. We’ve talked before about knowing your voice and being able to articulate very concisely what you write, but make sure there’s a “yes, and”.

“This is what I write. [and] Tell me, what do you like to make?”

Don’t stand there for 7 minutes talking about the latest script that you’re trying to get forward. There’s nothing more disengaging.

When I first started networking, I sat in this room watching everyone talk so freely like they knew each other and it was lovely to watch, but I felt absolutely paralysed. I couldn’t even go over and pretend like I was part of the conversation. I was on the outside.

I still forced myself to go to these events.

Sometimes I would try and take someone with me and that worked quite well because it meant that you were in it together and you had someone to talk to. In a way it held me back because it meant that I just stayed with them or we went together and then appeared like a pack, which was also quite intimidating.

If I went on my own, I would very frequently go and hide in the toilets, take a few deep breaths, have a word with myself, maybe even have a little cry before going back out there.

There are a few things that I have tried that have made this process a lot less painful.

The first thing was that I read books about how we come across and how to pick up social cues. (Judy Robinett, Vaness Van Edwards, Chase Hughes) Some people might think that this is a little bit of a step too far, but I was very concerned with how I was coming across and I wanted to maximise my impact within a short space of time.

Fundamentally though, I was made aware of something called I call the Shoe Theory, (also commonly known as Croissant vs. Bagel) which some of you may be familiar with.

The theory goes that our feet tell us how we’re feeling on the inside.

For example, if you are talking to somebody face-to-face and you’re standing, if you’re engaged with that conversation, your feet will be pointing at them. If you are losing interest, one foot will drift out to the side, so you’ll be standing with one foot facing them and one foot facing sort of 2 o’clock.

If you are really disengaged, both feet will be pointing at 2 o’clock or even 3 o’clock or maybe even 6 o’clock. If someone is nervous, they might cross their feet over and be rooted to the ground, etc.

The interesting thing about this theory is that once you notice it, you realise: “This person has got their foot pointing out. I feel like I could go and interrupt that conversation.”

If two people are facing each other or three people are facing each other, don’t go over. They don’t want you to interrupt.

But the one thing I found incredibly valuable was observing where my own feet were going. This is something that takes a bit of practise because you forget.

If you happen to catch your foot pointing at 2 o’clock, think: Is my body language giving the person I’m talking to the right vibe? Am I giving them the indication that I want to be here, and I want to talk to them?

The second thing it makes you think is: Why am I losing interest in this conversation?

Am I looking over their shoulder for someone better to talk to? Is it that I just aren’t chatting with them? Am I bored of what they’re saying, or am I just uninterested, or do I have something I want to say that I’m not saying?

That is a really good cue to go, “Okay, either I need to leave this conversation or I need to change the conversation.”

If you need to leave the conversation then leave the conversation because it’s not helping anybody, wasting their time standing there pretending to listen to something you don’t want to.

We are known around the world as the politest people. Our Britishness is often wrapped up in not wanting to be seen as rude. At least that’s true for most of us, so sometimes it can be really hard to say, “Thank you, I’m moving on.”

However, there are two things I think we need to get over.

Networking is a very short experience in terms of interaction. You often only have 60-90 minutes. Sometimes the environment is quite loud and there are lots of people. Maybe you’ve had a full day. Maybe you’ve driven 2 hours to get there.

Whatever it is, you don’t have that much time or energy.

If you recognise that a conversation has run its course, move on. You just need to say, even as directly as, “I’m going to pivot now. It was really lovely to meet you. Let’s keep in touch.”

Just shake that hand or give them a little cheers with your beer, turn away, and go and find someone else.

There’s no shame in that and trust me, they’re not going to dwell on it because they’re already thinking, “Shit, I need to find someone to talk to.”

I promise they do not think about it unless you were rude, which I’m sure you won’t be.

If you are getting on with someone and you want to pivot but you don’t want to lose that connection, ask them directly:

“I’d love to continue this conversation. Is there a way I can keep in touch?”

That is your opportunity to take their contact details, share your business card, your socials, whatever it is, and then make sure you do actually follow up.

Another top tip that I learned from my mentor Brian McIver recently was about knowing the best groups of people to approach, taking into account the shoe theory and also the group dynamics.

For example, going up to two people is going to be impossible because you’re always going to end up cutting someone out. It’s very difficult to have a three-way conversation.

I tested this out when I went to the Edinburgh TV Festival and I was much more successful when I approached groups of three or more.

You’ll inevitably click with one person, and you will then have a conversation, but it means the other people in that group still have people to talk to.

You can be absolutely sure that if there are two of you talking and someone comes up and they start talking to you and the other person is standing there, you become so highly conscious of the fact that whoever you were talking to is now just standing there staring at you having a conversation that it feels awkward.

It ruins the flow and the potential of having any meaningful conversation.

Practise, I’m afraid, is the only way.

Part of my confidence boost with networking has been because I’ve gone to as many networking events as I can, embraced the opportunity, and forced myself to meet people.

Another was having virtual conversations.

I spent much of last year having up to five virtual coffees with writers and other industry bods a week.

Yes, it was a huge time commitment and no, you do not need to commit to that many.

What it meant was I not only broadened my network, but I also got to practise having these conversations. I got to practise talking about things that weren’t just about myself and my projects. I got to talk about things that were more engaging and insightful.

I got to hone interpersonal skills, which meant that I could be more confident when I go into a conversation.

The biggest thing that I found that’s really helped my confidence is just broadening my network.

So, it becomes very much chicken and egg. The more you broaden your network, the more confident you get because the more rooms you go in, the more familiar faces.

My newsletter has helped vastly with that and LinkedIn even more so, and the virtual coffees were the belt and braces of it.

Being someone who is useful and helpful and provides insights has been something that has made people remember me and come up to introduce themselves to me.

Likewise for me to bump into someone and go, “Oh yes, I remember seeing you at LSF. How’s this or that?” That has made the world a lot smaller and less scary.

If you’re one of those people, I thank you and hopefully in return I’ve made the world a little less scary for you too.

If you know you’re going to a specific event where specific people are going to be there, do your research because:

I love to go up to people who had maybe moved me, inspired me, or made me feel like what they were doing was bloody awesome and I was proud of them even though I didn’t know who they were. Every time I walk past them, say hi and remind them of just how amazing they are.

It means that you become someone approachable later on.

If people don’t warm to you, you probably didn’t want to work with them anyway.

I take the shoe theory to another level and style myself at events in some rather quirky and unusual shoes.

There are a couple of reasons I do this:

One of my favourite things to do when I’m networking is this:

If I’m talking to someone and they’re like, “Oh, we’re doing this project at the moment and we’re stuck looking for an editor and it’s been a real nightmare...”

I pocket that snippet.

Then I’ll move around and talk to someone and they’re like, “Oh, I’m an editor...”

There’s your in for being helpful: “Oh, there’s someone you need to speak to over there.”

But you look across a sea of people and there are no distinctive features about what they’re wearing. It’s really hard to say, “The girl in the black top/the slightly podgy man/the bald guy/the short person behind the one with the nose ring.”

A distinctive look is much better than just people pointing out features that could inevitably become your Bridget Jones moment.

I’m in a horrendous amount of WhatsApp groups, Eventbrite, regional film offices, BFI hubs, the RTS, WFTV, Filming in England, Producers UK / Directors UK, and:

Newsletters. Newsletters. Newsletters.

There are some industry-specific ones where production companies offer networking events. The BBC do Production Unlocked around the year in different cities. Festivals often hold networking events or industry days.

And there will be some really closed private events.

It goes back to the more contacts you have, the more you’ll find out about these events.

It can be really hard, though, if you don’t live in or around some of these city hubs and I would encourage you to find or create a regional group.

You could look on Facebook but I’ve found that sometimes even the film office at your local council may have a list of people. They may be willing to coordinate an event for you.

Don’t ask, don’t get.

My favourite places to network are our RTS events.

About four years ago I went to an industry-run networking event in Bristol that was hosted by Channel 4.

I blagged my way in, with the credits I needed based on a radio play that I had self-produced and a stage play that was delivered and performed online during COVID.

I very quickly realised when I got to the event how out of my depth I was, how unready for that particular event I was, and how little I had to contribute to conversations.

One of the biggest grumblings that writers have is about the necessary requirement to have credits to be considered an early-career writer, and that being held as a bar before you can access further industry events and opportunities.

I can say wihtout doubt they are right to have that.

I could go to that event now, with my understanding of production, the industry, and other roles around film and television, and have meaningful conversations and be clearly able to articulate what I do and what I want to do.

But four years ago, not a chance.

Thankfully, I was such an unknown that I don’t think it made a dent on my career…

I’m glad I went to that event, though, because otherwise I would have spent the last four years stamping my feet at why I wasn’t able to access places like that. And now I know why.

Understanding the best way to network is a skill that you will continually learn at any age, not just when you’re a young.

Quite often your networking approach will evolve as you go further into your career.

At first, it will be:

There is a hierarchy. There’s no doubt about it.

I see writing as more of an apprenticeship, then just another job. We're always learning and proving what we’ve learned.

And I absolutely promise you: I have gone from someone who was so shy, so painfully shy, to someone who can now walk into a room and walk up to strangers and talk to them.

You can do it, but you do need to make this part of your ongoing professional development. It’s going to be very difficult for you if you don’t.

This week or for the last two weeks, my household has been ravaged by cold and flu and my inbox crammed full of deadlines.

A good friend of mine, Luke Lyon-Wall, who works directly with Robert McKee, has very generously agreed to take the reins of my newsletter next week and provide you with a little insight on who he is and what he does, and let me catch up.

Luke and I have known each other for a couple of years now since we met at LSF and we occasionally have the odd therapy session.

I really respect the work and the feedback that he has given me over the last couple of years, and I hope you do too.

Rest assured, I shall return on the 7th October.

Happy networking!

Helen

Next up (when I’m back)... What Revelations Have I Gained Recently (and how why that almost made me throw in the towel)

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